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Soul Searching Sunday: Friendships… Where Do You Add Value?

Hey Sis, As 2018 comes to an end, most of us will reflect on how our year went and what we need to change or who we cut out of our lives once again. Believe me there is nothing wrong with evaluating those things. Honestly, I believe that it makes you a better person in some cases and in some cases it makes you more aware.

As you reflect on your relationships and how people have treated you or how relationships may have ended or may need to end, I would like for you to ask yourself this question in regards to friendships…Where do you or where did you add value? Why? It is easy to see where others did not add value to your life but can you see where you did not add value to someone’s life within your circle. We are quick to say “my circle is small and will remain that way”, “I can’t trust anyone” or we are quick to sing the lyrics to Drake’s popular and catchy song “No New Friends”, but are we missing out on some Dope Souls who can compliment who we are and help us grow in those areas that we don’t know we need to grow in?

We say we are happy where we are but how do we truly know if we don’t allow new people into our circles? How can we stand on the stage or our platforms and talk about Sisterhood but never really embrace or attempt to embrace the true meaning of it? Yeah Sis, I know…You have been hurt by other women, you have been competition with other women and you may just feel some type of way about relationships with women in general but all women aren’t the same and in some cases it isn’t them that are the disconnect. It may be you. You may be so close minded or blinded by previous relationships that you may be disregarding the people that God is trying to use to restore your faith in friendships.

While you are taking time out to reflect and resting on this last beautiful Sunday of 2018 ask yourself the following questions and see if you need to make changes in how you add value to your friendships and what you can work on in new friendships:

1. Are you broken? If so, seek help in the healing process. Hurt people hurt people and turn people away.

2. Are you trustworthy? Can people come to you in total confidence and not worry about what they told you being shared with others inside or outside of your mutual circle or other circles?

3. Are you reliable? Can people depend on you in their time of need? Will you deliver what you said you would or will you bail out on them when they need you the most and leave them scrambling at the last minute to depend on someone else?

4. Are you honest? Do you lie so that you won’t hurt other people’s feelings? If you don’t feel as though people can accept your honesty then that is a conversation that needs to be had before the friendship goes any further.

5. Are you patient? Some friendships require a little more attention or patience than others. Remember you are two different people who are trying to merge your likes and dislikes into a relationship to become a unified front.

6. Are you friendly? In order to be a friend you have to be friendly. If you are not approachable or always acting like the world owes you something, you are going to end up being lonely. Lol. I’m just being honest.

7. Are you judgemental? The world is full of critics. The last thing people need is for someone to judge how they keep their house, how they raise their children, how they handle life situations. People don’t mind your honest feedback but if you are giving feedback with complete judgment remember you are not perfect either. Some people just need a listening ear.

8. Are you an askhole? Are you the friend who is always asking for advice or someone’s outlook but never doing anything with it. Come on Sis, sometimes we get tired of repeating the same thing we told you a few months ago just for you to stay in the same situation.

9. Are you a listener or the talker? Are you the friend that never lets your other friend get a word in when y’all are catching up? You know the person on the phone that talks for 58:00 during a 60:00 conversation? Lol. If you are that’s cool, your friend may realize their role in this relationship just make sure it is agreed upon by both of you. Some of us don’t mind sitting there listening because we know we are your safe haven, sounding board, voice of reason or it is the way you figure out your problems just make sure that type of relationship is understood.

10. Are you in the relationship for the right reason? Don’t enter friendships because you think that someone can do something for you or there is something that you can gain from it. What do you do if that person will never be able to give you what you thought they could? How will that end?

There are times when you end up in a by chance friendship where God has simply but you there for a reason, a season or a lifetime and your job is to simply be there for an appointed time. In some cases you won’t know your purpose until the end of it. Make sure you are doing your part. You need people and people need you. Your sister needs to know that she is not taking this journey alone. In all friendships make sure your heart an intentions are pure. God will guide everything else.

Sis, I know that was a lot for a Soul Searching Sunday but if we are to grow as a community and be a save haven for others we have to start somewhere. Don’t worry, accountability is key and we can do this!

Do you have some tips on how to approach friendships or want to share your thoughts on the list above? Feel free to comment below, send an email to or join the SheSpeakz Encouragement Group on Facebook.

I would love to hear from you.

Remember when SheSpeakz, SheSpeakz Life!

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